Have you ever found yourself in the situation where you set yourself a goal, start out doing pretty well, but then something happens and you end up failing? This is the classic indicator of self-sabotage and it can show itself in a wide variety of self-improvement areas ranging from weight loss to business, education to parenting skills.
Sometimes, when I am discussing this issue with customers, they can be very surprised and disbelieving, responding with questions such as, "Why would I sabotage my own goals and dreams?"
One Small Comment
One day, I was talking to a gentleman and he shared an experience he felt had influenced his entire life. Unfortunately, I have heard many variations of this story over the years. This gentleman was now in his 60s, doing okay overall, but very much aware that he had been sabotaging himself almost his entire life because of a comment made by a teacher when he was a kid. The teacher had told him that he just wasn't any good at math and he should therefore look for a career that did not involve calculations of any kind. This gentleman realized that this one comment had influenced all of his career decisions, and while he could not but help wonder what he may have achieved without his teacher's helpful input, he was determined not to allow it to influence his future choices.
Sometimes my mind connects dots in strange ways and this conversation got me thinking about something I experienced. When our kids were young, Eldon and I decided to join them in one of their favorite outdoor activities—biking. When our youngest was still very small, biking was no problem for me, as I would hang back to keep him company and to encourage him to keep on going. However, it was not long before my three men would leave me in the dust! I would frequently remind myself that 'Eldon uses the exercise bike all winter so he finds biking easy,' and 'Men are frequently stronger than women,' but this really did not make me feel better.
There is a route close to our home that we like to ride together. The boys really like to see how fast they can go on the steep downhill slope, but then there is the uphill slope to face! For the longest time, I knew it was highly unlikely that I could ever make it and I invariably got off my bike when I was about 30% up the hill—pretty much when the momentum of the downhill hill slope was gone! Now, I knew I was not really trying as I was never out of breath when I quit, but no matter how much I told myself I could do better, I always stopped at about the same point.
A few years later, we decided to take our bikes to be professionally tuned up. The technician in the store informed me that I had been riding with my brakes partially on and that I should find it a lot easier now. I most certainly did! It was still work to keep up with my men, but now I could do it.
Then I came to this hill—the same hill that had been defeating me for years! What do you think I did? Well, I now knew that I was strong and capable and that my bike was in tip-top condition—and I so very much wanted to succeed. Down the steep hill I went and then up the steeper hill. I reached the 30% mark where I had always quit before but I had lots of lung-power left and my legs felt fine. It was at the 60% mark that I started to feel like I was going to die—but I still pushed on. I was going very slowly but I remained on my bike and continued making progress. One push, followed by the next until, lo and behold I had reached the top where I could cruise a little, catch my breath and rest my achy legs. I was so very proud of myself!
What Could You Achieve?
So what does this have to do with self-sabotage? When I believed I would fail, I quit. I did not give it my all. I knew I would fail so I didn't even try. But when I knew there was a chance that I could succeed, I tried my utmost best. I worked so hard, every fiber of my being ached with the effort—and I succeeded! Part of my success could be attributed to having my bike serviced correctly, but this does not account for the amount of effort I put in when I believed in myself. So what could I have achieved before my bike was tuned if I had only believed that I had a chance of succeeding? I would most certainly have managed to bike more than 30% of the way up that hill. In all probability I could have done at least another 30%. So if I had stopped sabotaging my own success, I could have gone twice the distance or more! What could you achieve if you were twice as successful at whatever you were trying to achieve? Would you stick to that diet more easily? Would you get that promotion at work? Would you pass that exam? Would you find your perfect partner or enhance your personal relationship?
I started by sharing with you a conversation I had with a gentleman, who was in his 60s before he realized the damage done by his teacher's comment. He was looking for the best InnerTalk programs to assist him in changing this decades old pattern. I recommended he work with Math is Easy in conjunction with Eliminating Self-Sabotage. Math is Easy would take away his belief that he is not good at math, and Eliminating Self-Sabotage would assist in all of those ancillary areas necessary for him to get out of his own way and to allow success to happen (such as knowing that he mattered, eliminating his negative inner script, having the confidence in his success, knowing that he really did deserve to have it all, etc.)
What you have to realize, though, is that all of us have some of these beliefs. Maybe it was a comment from a friend who said you were 'crap' at football and so you shouldn't even try out. Perhaps a loved one told you not to worry about your weight as losing weight after 40 is impossible anyway. The sources of these negative, self-sabotaging beliefs are everywhere, but you don't have to be trapped forever by them.
While your subconscious mind does not set out deliberately to sabotage your dreams and goals, one of its most important tasks is to protect you. So, for the person who was embarrassed as a child when reading aloud in class, the subconscious can put into place the notion of "I must avoid public speaking at all cost." Then, when the person becomes an adult and they have the ability to show they are capable of the new job with its responsibilities, but this new job will involve leading group meetings, they will suddenly decide that they really don't want the promotion after all. Or the person who associates eating with the comfort that came after having fears assuaged with a kiss and bowl of ice-cream from Mom, and now always reaches for the ice-cream when stressed, even after they have decided to cut out junk food in order to lose weight. And these examples can go on and on. However, what you should realize is that, in all of these examples, the decision to take the action that sabotages the stated goal is coming from the unconscious as a result of a defensive or automatic mechanism. Recognizing this is the first step to correcting for it.
Wishing you Love, Light and Laughter . . . always!
Wherever you are in life, whatever your goals, overcoming that negative inner voice that wants to hold you back is vital for reaching your highest aspirations. The InnerTalk album, Eliminating Self-Sabotage, deals with this issue on many different levels.
Eliminating Self-Sabotage uses 4 different technologies (InnerTalk, OZO, Echo-Tech and Power Imaging) so there's lots of flexibility in how you use these programs. Play InnerTalk in the background as you go about your day or all night while you sleep, and use the headphone programs once or twice a day. For the headphone programs, you can decide if you want to use the gentle supportive Echo-Tech, the strong guiding push of OZO, or the journey within to discover the cause and solution to your issue with Power Imaging.
The titles included with Eliminating Self-Sabotage include:
- Healing from Invalidation,
- Re-scripting the Child Within,
- End Self-Destructive Patterns (ET),
- End Self-Destructive Patterns (IT),
- Boundless Joy,
- Personal Peace,
- Releasing Anger, and
- Have It All!
This is the perfect package to assist you in uncovering and replacing all of that programming that causes you to self-sabotage your own goals and dreams. This is a 'must have' item for your InnerTalk library. More info.
"I have purchased a CD Ending Self-Destructive Patterns. I have been going through a very rough time and it has been the only thing to calm me. I have now ordered several more to punch my brain into action. Thank you."
~ V. R.